When I look back at the most transformative moments in my Mindshifting work with leaders, educators, teams, or students, they almost always start the same way:

With a question.

Not a clever argument. Not a perfectly crafted statement. Not a brilliant insight that I “delivered.”

A question.

Questions have a unique ability to shift the brain out of defensiveness and into curiosity. They move people from reactivity to reflection; from protecting their position to exploring what’s actually possible. This transformative power of asking the right questions, at the right time, is a key element explored in the newest MindShifting book, Conflict and Collaboration.

In the book, I talk a lot about how our brains default to fight-or-flight during tension, disagreement, or uncertainty. But I also discuss how well-timed, well-chosen questions can interrupt that pattern and steer the conversation toward understanding, trust, and collaboration.

That’s why created a resource, called “50 Questions That Change Minds.” It’s a simple, practical tool you can bring into any challenging conversation – at work, at home, or in your community.

The list of questions (broken into categories) can be found in the Appendix of the book but I thought I would share it with you, here. But,  before I share the link, I want to give you a sense of how these questions work and why they matter.

The Power of Asking Instead of Telling

One thing I say often in workshops is:

“If you’re trying to win, you’ve already lost.”

The moment we treat conversations like competitions, the other person’s brain automatically resists—even if we’re “right.”

Questions do the opposite. They open. They soften. They invite.

Not all questions have the same effect, however.

Some build trust. Some clarify thinking. Some uncover unspoken values.Some gently highlight misalignment. Some open doors to entirely new possibilities.

In the upcoming book, I explain how questions help us shift between the three MindShifting pillars—Resourcefulness, Resilience, and Collaboration—and how each pillar relies on a different type of thinking.

To make it a more helpful resource, the list of MindShifting inducing questions, organizes the questions by the kind of mental shift you need.

Here’s a quick look at the categories, a brief explanation of how they work to open up constructive conversations and sample questions that represent those that make up the respective category.

1. Building Rapport (Start Here)

Before you can turn a potential conflict into a constructive conversation, you must establish safety, assuring your conversation partner that the dialogue is designed to be fair and productive, while honoring their points of view.

These questions ease tension and signal, “I’m here to understand you, not fight you.”

A favorite from this section:

“What matters most to you about this?”

This single question often reveals the hidden concern beneath the argument.

2. Understanding the Situation

Most conflict escalates because people react to assumptions, not information. Setting the table by allowing your conversation partner to fully describe the situation from their perspective before moving forward can be very helpful in telegraphing that the purpose of the conversation will be to arrive at a mutual understanding of the fact. 

Questions in this category help the other person slow down, describe events, and move from emotion to clarity.

For example:

“Can you walk me through what happened?”

It sounds simple, but it grounds the conversation in reality instead of reactivity.

3. Exploring Current Thinking

This is where you help someone explore the logic of their thinking without challenging it directly. By helping them step back analyze the situation from a more holistic perspective, rather than staying stuck in their own.

One question I use constantly:

“What’s the question nobody’s asking?”

People light up when they hear this one. There’s always a question nobody’s asking.

4. Clarifying Goals & Values

Values are the hidden drivers of most disagreements and, when faced with a potential conflict, people sometimes need help at stripping away temporary emotions so they can remember what it is they are hoping to achieve in the engagement.

These questions help surface what someone really wants rather than just what they’re arguing for.

Example:

“If this works out perfectly, what does that look like?”

Suddenly you’re talking about solutions instead of positions.

5. Examining Misalignment

People in fear of conflict often get so caught up in the ‘need’ to defend their position that they loss sight of what might be considered a ‘win.’ Questions in this category offer gentle, non-threatening prompting that help someone notice when their actions and goals don’t quite match.

One I find incredibly effective:

“How might doing ___ not get you what you want?”

No judgment. Just curiosity.

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6. Exploring Alternatives

In ‘defending’ their point, people hold on so strongly that they cannot see how a resolution they had not considered might be just as useful, or even improve on their original expectation.  

Leveraging questions in this category can help move  the conversation from stuck to creative because, when people imagine alternatives, their brain automatically moves into a more collaborative state.

A good starter:

“If you had no constraints, what would you do?”

Most people have never been invited to answer that question.

7. Confirming Commitment

Gaining insight from a conversation is certainly a key objective but, often, nothing actually changes until someone chooses a next step.

To push a conversation toward this kind of resolution, I like to offer questions like:

“On a scale from 1 to 10, how ready are you to take action on this?”

Readiness is often more important than agreement.

Why This Matters Now

We’re living in a moment when conversations feel more tense, more personal, and more polarized than ever.

But the path to collaboration doesn’t start with “fixing” other people. It starts with changing the questions we ask.

In MindShifting: Conflict and Collaboration, I walk readers through the science behind these shifts—how the brain responds to curiosity, how perspective-taking lowers threat responses, and how questioning helps rewire reactive patterns.

This new resource is meant to be a companion to that work. Something you can use immediately. Something you can practice in low-stakes moments. Something you can bring into those conversations you’ve been avoiding.

And truthfully? If more of us asked even just a few of these questions regularly, many conflicts would resolve themselves before they ever became “conflicts.”

Don’t Forget To Take the Full Set With You

If you’d like the complete list—all 50 questions, organized by category, beautifully designed, and ready to print or save to your phone—I’ve made it available as a free download.

👉 Download the full “50 Questions That Change Minds” guide HERE.

Use it. Practice it. Bring it into your next tough conversation.

I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly things begin to shift.

—Mitch