Reflections from the MindShifting Practice Lab

The parent: “I need to know why my child is constantly being benched and sent out. You’re supposed to be coaching, not punishing. What kind of coach are you?”

The Coach: “I am just following the team’s conduct policy. When a student disrupts practice, they sit out so the rest of the team can focus.”

And so begins one of the many fights that could have been handled differently by either party.

This interaction served as one of the discussion points in Session 1 of the five part MindShifting Practice Lab based on my book Conflict and Collaboration.

We’re exploring how to turn conflicts into opportunities using tools from the book through practical examples, real conversations, and learning from each other.

This particular conversation, and we went through the entire conversation not just the opening lines, shows two parties reacting in limbic modes: fight, flight, or freeze. Both parties blame, attack, escalate, and defend, neither side shows empathy, curiosity, or exploration. They each frame the issue as simple; there is a right way and a wrong way.

What’s missing is any sense that the situation is actually complex:

• The child’s needs and behavior,
• The parent’s history with schools and authority,
• The coach’s constraints and pressures,
• And the reality that no single person has the full answer.

What if we were able to catch ourselves in these situations and respond from our Sage mindset, leading with empathy and curiosity. What might change?

1. Acknowledge Emotion

• “I can hear how upset and worried you are about your child being benched. If my child came home feeling embarrassed like that, I’d be very concerned too.”

2. Name a Shared Goal

• “I also want your child to play more and feel confident on the team. Let’s see how we can make that happen.”

3. Get Curious and Collaborative

• “Can we walk through a couple of recent practices—what your child experienced and what I saw?”
• “Let’s build a clear plan so your child knows exactly what to do to earn more playing time.”

Our Practice Lab discussion then prompted all of us to self-reflect:

• Where do I show up like that parent; seeing things as simple and going straight into fight?
• When do I defend or hide behind rules rather than listen and explore?
• Where could I move from simple binary mindsets into complex nuanced ones?
• How could I lead with empathy and curiosity, even when I feel attacked?”

Thinking about our interactions this way, maybe we all will be a little better when working with others this week.