The Secrets of Internal Motivation When You Feel Stuck
When something occurs three times in two days, I take it as a sign. Three times people were stuck or frozen, worked on their mindsets, and then were able to proceed:
- A member of a Mastermind group for entrepreneurs who is a published author couldn’t get started posting
- Salli Carter, podcaster of The Educator Experience, Educator, and Education Professor was stalled starting her new business.
- Anne-Laure Le Cunff, author of the Tiny Experiments book and founder if Ness Labs, couldn’t get started with her work,
In this article we will explore not only the three instances, but how people motivate themselves and how parents and teachers can give these skills to kids.
Three cases of procrastination or freeze
It all began in the Mastermind group I participate in. One of the members offers a service for authors to be able to tell their stories. She’d helped authors find speaking engagements that accelerated both their book sales and their occupations. But she’d told herself she couldn’t promote or post about her offering because she needed to establish more credibility first. This led to a discussion on how our brains sabotage our plans. Our survival instincts detect we are about to start something new; they protect us by freezing us; and our rational brains come up with a rationalization that supports the freeze.
Once she realized that her reasons for not writing was not “the truth” but was just a story the Saboteurs in her brain were using to keep her safe, the barriers to writing dissipated. In fact, she has now posted and is writing a second article on how she became unstuck.
The very next day I was recording a podcast on Salli Carter’s Educator Experience Podcast (the episode is not out yet, though). During the podcast Salli offered to let me role play a MindShifting technique with her. We started talking about when you are blocked because you know you can’t do something, and how the “Perhaps I can” technique opens up possibilities.
But that didn’t apply to her, she did not suffer from a lack of competence. But where she was stuck was amassing the funds for a new venture to transform teaching practices.
We used two other techniques from the MindShifting: Stop Your Brain from Sabotaging Your Happiness and Success book. We had her imagine being successful at getting the venture off the ground and what it felt like to be making an impact and living her dreams (visualization) and then from that vantage point to remember what her first step was (the next step technique) on the journey (talking to people who had raised money before) and the second step (coming up with a plan).
You could see her whole body language change after doing this, she was confident that she could get started and resolved to start.
This is exactly what she does for her clients. She uses and practices these methods. Sometimes, we all need a second party to walk us through MindShifting.
And then that afternoon I see a newsletter post from Anne-Laure Le Cunff. Dr. Le Cunff is a neuroscientist. After a long weekend she just could not motivate herself to get started working, and she wrote her newsletter about ways she recommends for becoming unstuck and rebuilding motivation. As she points out, intrinsic motivation is generally driven by a combination of hope, curiosity, and self-confidence.
Resistance to acting seems to be a common thread.
I previously published a list of the ways participants in the Fall 2025 MindShifting: Mastering Your Resourceful Brain course devised for motivating themselves.
Participant educators in the MindShifting: Mastering Your Resourceful Brain class were asked:
What is a response you could say to yourself when you notice that you are using one of the “freeze” excuses, and how do you think that might help?
The point where participants realize that they can control their own motivation is always an exciting part of the course. In the course this Spring, we organized their responses by category.
Categories or Motivational Strategies
Across the reflections, responses clustered into six functional categories that map to MindShifting language.
1. Naming the Brain State (Awareness without Judgment)
Statements that recognize what’s happening in the brain/body.
2. “Perhaps I Can…” (Opening Possibility)
Language that loosens certainty and shifts from binary thinking to options.
3. One Small Step (Reducing Overwhelm)
Statements that shrink the task until action feels possible.
4. Future Self & Consequences (Time Reframing)
Language that collapses “later” and connects present action to relief.
5. Regulation First (Calm the Body → Free the Brain)
Breathing, pausing, grounding, and safety cues.
6. Perspective Shifts & Meaning-Making
Curiosity, reframing, values, faith, connection, and purpose.
1. Naming the Brain State
- “This is just my brain trying to protect me.”
- “I’m uncomfortable, not incapable.”
- “This pause—is it wisdom or fear?”
- “It’s the sensory environment triggering me, not real danger.”
- “I notice I’m avoiding because this feels uncomfortable.”
- “I’m in freeze mode right now—and that’s information, not failure.”
How this helps:
Creates distance between self and reaction, lowering shame and re-engaging the prefrontal cortex.
2. ‘Perhaps I Can…’ Statements
- “Perhaps I can…”
- “Maybe I can try this.”
- “I wonder what would happen if I…”
- “What other ways could I solve this?”
- “Who could I talk to or ask for help?”
- “What’s another route I could take?”
How this helps:
Disrupts all-or-nothing thinking and invites exploration instead of paralysis.
3. One Small Step Language
- “What’s the first step?”
- “I can do this for five minutes.”
- “What’s one small thing I can do right now?”
- “One step is better than none.”
- “Can I do part now and part later?”
- “If I just start, momentum might carry me.”
How this helps:
Shrinks perceived threat and restores agency.
4. Future Self & Time Reframing
- “My future self will thank me.”
- “If I do it now, I won’t have to worry about it later.”
- “Either way, the time will pass.”
- “I’ll feel so much better when this is done.”
- “Later is closer than it feels.”
- “Starting now means less pressure later.”
How this helps:
Breaks the illusion that avoidance reduces stress.
5. Regulation & Safety Cues
- “You’re safe.”
- “Breathe.”
- “Unclench your jaw, drop your shoulders.”
- “Take five slow breaths.”
- “Let’s do five minutes of mindfulness or meditation.”
- “I am okay.”
- “Take a meta minute.”
- “Pause. Collaborate with your brain. Listen.”
How this helps:
Downshifts the nervous system so thinking becomes possible again.
6. Perspective, Values & Meaning
- “I’ve done hard things before.”
- “I’m still learning—and that’s okay.”
- “What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best?”
- “This matters.”
- “I can get through hard things.”
- “Students (coworkers, family, etc.) are watching how I model flexibility.”
- “Focus on what I can do right now.”
- “Look up. All things are possible in small steps.”
How this helps:
Reconnects action to identity, values, purpose, or faith.
Takeaway or cheat sheet
Here is a shorter list you could print out and keep handy:
Awareness
- “This is my brain trying to protect me.”
- “I’m uncomfortable, not incapable.”
Possibility
- “Perhaps I can…”
- “What if I tried one different way?”
Action
- “What’s one small step?”
- “I can do this for five minutes.”
Time
- “Later is closer than it feels.”
- “My future self will thank me.”
Regulation
- “Breathe. You’re safe.”
- “Pause—then decide.”
Resilience
- “I’ve done hard things before.”
- “Progress beats perfection.”
Child or Teen Friendly Responses
After consider adult responses, we looked at how this might be applied to children and teens.
When My Brain Freezes
Things I Can Say to Myself to Get Unstuck
Sometimes our brain hits pause. That doesn’t mean we’re lazy, broken, or bad at things. It usually means our brain is trying to protect us. These statements can help you move from stuck to starting.
1. First: Notice What’s Happening
These help you understand what’s going on without blaming yourself.
- “My brain is trying to protect me right now.”
- “I’m uncomfortable, not incapable.”
- “I’m not in danger—I’m just stressed.”
- “This is a freeze moment, not a failure.”
2. Calm My Body So My Brain Can Think
When your body calms down, your thinking brain comes back online.
- “Breathe. I’m safe.”
- “Slow down. Take five deep breaths.”
- “Relax your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.”
- “I am okay right now.”
3. Open the Door to Possibility
Instead of ‘I can’t,’ try language that keeps options open.
- “Perhaps I can…”
- “Maybe I can try one small thing.”
- “What if I tried a different way?”
- “Who could help me with this?”
- “What would make this fun?”
4. Take One Small Step
You don’t have to do everything—just something.
- “What’s the first step?”
- “I can do this for five minutes.”
- “One step is better than none.”
- “I’ll just get started.”
5. Think About My Future Self
Avoiding doesn’t make stress go away—it usually makes it bigger.
- “My future self will thank me.”
- “I’ll feel better when this is done.”
- “Later is closer than it feels.”
- “If I start now, it’ll be easier later.”
6. Remind Myself Who I Am
These help build confidence and resilience.
- “I’ve done hard things before.”
- “I’m still learning, and that’s okay.”
- “Progress is better than perfection.”
- “I can get through this.”
If You Remember Just One Thing
You don’t need to feel ready to start.
You just need to start small.
Freeze moments happen to everyone. What matters is knowing how to unfreeze.
Teacher or Parent Guide for Prompting Students
Finally we came up with a teacher or parent guide for coaching.
A few design choices worth noting:
- Avoid “Why…?” questions almost entirely
→ because why spikes defensiveness in freeze - Emphasize choice and collaboration, not compliance
- “If the student still isn’t ready” is included so you don’t escalate too early
- Use the mantra “Calm first. Then curious. Then one small step.” Which will give you a mental shortcut under stress
Prompts That Help Students Unfreeze
Supportive Questions & Language for When a Student Is Stuck, Shut Down, or Overwhelmed
When a student freezes, logic and pressure rarely help. What does help is language that restores safety, agency, and possibility. The prompts below are designed to help students move from freeze to thinking, and from thinking to one small step.
Use these calmly, slowly, and without urgency.
1. First: Help the Student Feel Safe
Use these when a student is quiet, avoidant, overwhelmed, or shutting down.
- “You’re safe right now.”
- “Nothing bad is happening in this moment.”
- “We’re not in trouble—we’re just figuring this out.”
- “Let’s slow this down together.”
- “You don’t have to solve everything right now.”
2. Name the Freeze (Without Blame)
These normalize what’s happening so the student doesn’t feel broken.
- “It looks like your brain might be in freeze mode right now.”
- “Sometimes our brain pauses when something feels hard or uncomfortable.”
- “This happens to a lot of people—it doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”
- “Your brain might be trying to protect you.”
3. Regulate Before You Reason
If the student is dysregulated, focus on the body before the task.
- “Let’s take three slow breaths together.”
- “Can you put your feet on the floor and feel the ground?”
- “Want to take a quick pause before we keep going?”
- “Let’s give your brain a minute to reset.”
4. Open the Door to Possibility
Replace ‘can’t’ language with curiosity and choice.
- “What do you think you might be able to do?”
- “Is there another way we could try this?”
- “What if you didn’t have to get it right—just started?”
- “Who or what could help right now?”
5. Shrink the Task
Help the student see the task as manageable.
- “What’s the very first step?”
- “What’s one small thing you could do?”
- “Could we break this into smaller pieces?”
- “How about just five minutes?”
6. Shift Time Perspective
Gently interrupt procrastination or avoidance.
- “How do you think you’ll feel once this part is done?”
- “Would future-you be glad you started now?”
- “If we do a little now, what might be easier later?”
7. Rebuild Confidence
Remind students of their capacity without pressure.
- “You’ve done hard things before.”
- “You don’t have to be perfect to make progress.”
- “Trying counts—even if it’s messy.”
- “One step forward is still forward.”
8. If the Student Still Isn’t Ready
Respect autonomy while keeping the door open.
- “Would you like to take a short break and come back to this?”
- “Do you want help starting, or do you want a minute?”
- “We can make a plan together when you’re ready.”
One Sentence to Remember
Calm first. Then curious. Then one small step.
Freeze isn’t defiance—it’s a function of fear, anxiety, or overwhelm (big emotions) that the person does not have the skills to overcome. These prompts help students thaw without shame.
Leave a Reply