I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with Jason LeDuc on The Leader’s Mindset podcast to talk about something I care deeply about: how our brains can quietly sabotage us in the first few seconds after a challenge hits. 

Jason created a thoughtful, generous space for the conversation, and I’m grateful for the way he drew out not just the “what” of MindShifting, but the “how” leaders can actually use it in the real world. 

We covered a lot of ground—from survival brain and the OODA Loop to resilience and collaboration—but here I want to zoom in on one very practical piece of our discussion.

You can watch the full conversation below, but this post focuses on three elements we explored together:

1. Why it is so important to shift into a resourceful state
   
2. How to make that shift, often in under two minutes
   
3. A six-step approach you can use in your next difficult interaction
   

Why a resourceful state matters

In the podcast, I describe two broad “parts” of the brain that show up in leadership moments: the survival system and what I call the resourceful system. 

If you’ve been following MindShifting, you know that the survival system reacts in hundredths of a second with fight, flight, freeze, habit, or simply copying the crowd—responses that are excellent for physical danger but disastrous when we’re dealing with people, strategy, or long-term consequences.

The resourceful system comes online more slowly—two to three seconds after the stimulus—and is where empathy, connection, creative problem-solving, and critical thinking live. When leaders stay locked in survival mode, they tend to:

• Escalate conflict instead of building trust
  
• Double down on “the one right answer” instead of learning from feedback
  
• Try to overpower people with logic, authority, or emotion instead of collaborating
  

Every tough interaction, from a difficult feedback, to resistance from a team member, or a heated disagreement, is really a test of which system you let drive: survival or resourcefulness. 

Take difficult feedback. A leader needs to tell a high-performing employee that something isn’t working. The limbic system might push toward avoidance (“I’ll deal with it later”), softening the message so much that it becomes unclear, or swinging the other way into bluntness that feels like an attack. All of those reactions come from discomfort. None of them serve the person, the team, or the work.

Consider resistance from a team member. You propose a new direction, and someone pushes back in the meeting. A limbic reaction might be to shut them down quickly to reassert authority, to get defensive and over-explain, or to quietly label them as “difficult” and start excluding them from future conversations. In the moment, those responses can feel like control. In reality, they close doors.

Picture a heated disagreement between colleagues. Voices rise. Tension fills the room. A leader’s limbic response might be to take sides too quickly, withdraw to avoid the discomfort, or try to force a quick resolution just to make the conflict stop. Each of these reactions is driven by the need to escape the stress of the moment, not to guide the group forward.

When we step back, it’s easy to see that none of these instinctive reactions truly support a leader’s real goal: advancing the mission, strengthening the team, and helping people do their best work. They may relieve pressure in the moment, but they rarely move the organization in the direction it actually wants to go.

In each of these situations, the question becomes: do we let survival drive, or do we shift into resourcefulness?

Your long-term effectiveness as a leader depends on your ability to recognize the survival reaction and deliberately shift into resourcefulness.

How to shift into a resourceful state

On the show, Jason and I talked about three practical ways to make this shift: awareness, self-talk, and intentional pause.

1. Self-awareness (metacognition)
   You may feel a rush of anger, defensiveness, or urgency to react immediately. The first step is simply noticing: “I’m triggered right now.” Naming it—“this is my survival brain talking”—often takes enough power out of it that your resourceful brain can catch up.
   
2. Positive self-talk that opens options
   Sometimes awareness alone isn’t enough; your survival brain already has a grip on what should be done, you need to open it up, you need to move from certainty to curiosity., Ask yourself open, possibility-oriented questions such as:
   

• “What would I really like to have happen here?”
  
• “If this turned out well for everyone, what would that look like?”
  
• “What result would I be okay living with a week from now?”
  These questions open up your options instead of narrowing them to attack, avoid, or shut down.
  

3. Intentional pause and distraction (30–90 seconds)
   When cortisol and adrenaline are flooding your brain, biochemically, you often need 30–90 seconds for those stress hormones to dissipate so you can access your full capabilities. That can look like:
   

• Focusing on your breath and the sound it makes as you inhale and exhale
  
• Taking a short walk or shifting your attention to neutral stimuli (music, nature, art)
  
• Listening to the tone of the other person’s voice instead of their exact words
  

The goal of these three MindShifting techniques is not to avoid the problem; it is to give your resourceful brain time to come online so the right part of you is making the decision.

A 6-step approach for difficult interactions

During the conversation, I outlined a six-step structure for handling tough interactions once you’ve gotten yourself into a resourceful state. Think of “get resourceful” as step zero—your oxygen mask. After that, you can move through this sequence:

1. Build rapport and trust first
   Forget about your ideal end result at the outset. Your initial job is to create connection, because without some level of trust, you’re not really leading—you’re pushing. Ask yourself: “What could I say or do right now that would help this person feel seen, heard, and safe with me?”
   
2. Ask non-threatening questions to understand what happened
   Shift into curiosity about the situation: “Walk me through what happened from your perspective—what came first?” Then summarize what you heard in neutral, non-judgmental language. This shows respect and reduces defensiveness.
   
3. Explore their current thinking and intended actions
   Once the facts are on the table, ask: “Given all that, what are you thinking of doing?” or “How do you think this should be handled?” You are surfacing their mental model instead of imposing yours prematurely.
   
4. Clarify goals and values—for them and for you
   Now bring the conversation to purpose: “What do you really want to have happen here?” and “What would be best for all of us?” This is also where you put your own goals and values on the table so you can look for solutions that meet everyone’s core needs, not just one side’s.
   
5. Examine misalignment between plan and goals
   Together, look at where their current plan might not achieve the shared goals. Good questions here include: “Given what you want, how do you see this playing out?” and “Where might this not work the way we hope?” You’re inviting them to discover the gaps rather than telling them they’re wrong.
   
6. Co-create alternatives and confirm commitment
   Once misalignments are visible, generate multiple options: “What are five or six different things we could do?” Mix and match until you land on one or two that both of you can support. 

Then, solidify commitment with a scaling question:[

• “On a scale of 1 to 10—10 meaning ‘I’m absolutely going to do this,’ 1 meaning ‘there’s no way’—where are you right now?”

If they say “3,” follow up with: “Interesting—why a 3 and not a 2?” That question invites them to articulate their own reasons for taking the action, they will be selling themselves, which is far more powerful than anything you could tell them.

This structure doesn’t guarantee that every conversation will be easy, but it dramatically increases the chances that it will be productive, preserving the relationship while improving the outcome.

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Thesis and closing thought

The thesis of this approach is simple: difficult interactions don’t sabotage us; our unexamined survival reactions do. When we learn to pause, shift into a resourceful state, and follow a structured, collaborative process, conflict becomes raw material for better solutions instead of a trigger for spirals we later regret.

My hope is that as more leaders practice these skills—resourcefulness, resilience, and collaboration—we’ll build the critical mass of people who can stay grounded and constructive, even when they start off angry, afraid, or under pressure. 

If this resonates with you, I invite you to watch the full conversation with Jason and start experimenting with just one piece: pausing for 30–90 seconds before your next hard conversation and asking, “What would I really like to have happen here?”