Time for the fourth (of five) articles in a series I have been creating around my conversation  with Marianne DeMello-Smith on her Message in the Middle Podcast (due to be posted in Mid-October). As I have HERE ,  HERE and  HERE , I will address a particular aspect of our long and wide-ranging conversation.

At one point inner conversation, we turned our attention to collaboration—a topic that’s close to both our hearts; collaboration. (This is also the the topic of my forthcoming new book,  Conflict and Collaboration).

Marianne reflected on her own journey as a leader, admitting that early in her career, she struggled to see the value in approaches different from her own. Over time, she learned that true collaboration isn’t just about working alongside others, but about recognizing and leveraging the unique strengths each person brings.

She asked, “How do you help people move from simply cooperating to truly collaborating, especially when personalities or perspectives clash?” 

My answer was that it all starts with self-awareness. 

When you find yourself absolutely certain that you’re right and someone else is wrong, that’s a signal your primitive brain is in control. In those moments, it’s crucial to pause and get curious: “What might I be missing? What does this person see that I don’t?”

Marianne shared how she encourages her teams to appreciate the “10%” they might be missing—the piece of the puzzle another person can provide. I echoed that, suggesting practical steps for fostering collaboration:

• Practice Active Listening: Make a conscious effort to really hear what others are saying, without immediately preparing your rebuttal.
• Ask Open Questions: Instead of defending your position, ask, “Can you help me understand your perspective?” or “What do you see that I might not?”
• Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize when emotions are running high—both in yourself and others. Take a step back if needed, and return to the conversation with empathy.
• Focus on Shared Goals: Remind everyone of the bigger picture. Collaboration is about achieving something together that none of you could accomplish alone.

Marianne pointed out that these skills aren’t just for the workplace—they’re equally valuable at home, with family, or in community settings. 

I agreed, noting that the same principles apply whether you’re negotiating with a colleague, supporting a friend, or parenting a child.

True collaboration is built on the foundation of self-awareness and curiosity. When you approach others with an open mind and a willingness to learn, you unlock possibilities that simply aren’t available when you go it alone.

For more practical tools and stories about building collaborative relationships, you can always check out my first book, MindShifting: Stop Your Brain from Sabotaging your Happiness and Success, read about my up coming book, Conflict and Collaboration, or tee up any of the podcasts I have been lucky enough to appear on to discuss these elements of the MindShifting framework.

—

About MindShifting with Mitch Weisburgh

MindShifting is transforming how individuals, teams, and organizations unlock their full potential—whether in the classroom, the boardroom, or personal growth journeys. Developed by educator, author, and thought leader Mitch Weisburgh, MindShifting combines the latest insights from psychology, neuroscience, and practical experience to help people overcome barriers, shift mindsets, and achieve lasting results.

Through his writing, keynote talks, and engaging workshops, Mitch empowers educators, corporate teams, and life coaches to embrace new ways of thinking and problem-solving. His unique MindShifting framework provides practical tools for building resilience, resourcefulness, and collaborative skills that drive real-world change.

To continue your exploration of MindShifting, visit www.mindshiftingwithmitch.com.