In the January 26, 2026 MindShifting Monday with Mitch, we explored a powerful way of interacting with people that is more often overlooked than followed: learning to listen without an agenda. Most of us know what it feels like to talk to someone who isn’t really listening—who’s just waiting for their turn to speak. It doesn’t feel good. It creates distance rather than connection, and it often leaves us frustrated, tense, or shut down.

Here is a short video on what happens when one party listens with an agenda:

When does an agenda get in our way?

I began by asking people to recall a moment when they felt “waited on” instead of listened to, and to notice the physical sensations that came with it—tightness in the stomach, heat in the chest, or a sense of internal pressure. We know what we want to get across, but we feel that we are failing. This unpleasant experience is tied to something called limbic friction: the tension between our emotional brain (the limbic system) and our logical, reflective brain (the prefrontal cortex). When we sense that someone isn’t listening, our survival brain lights up, bringing anxiety, stress, and a tendency toward fight, flight, or freeze.

The challenge is that we often create that same experience for other people when we enter conversations with an agenda. Sometimes our agenda is to fix them or their problem. Sometimes it’s to correct their story, show what we know, win an argument, look smart, get their approval, or just speed things up because we’re in a hurry. These reactions happen fast—often before we’re consciously aware of them—because they’re driven by the limbic system.

The cost of these agendas is high. When the other person senses we’re not truly listening, their survival brain kicks in. Cognitive biases harden. They become defensive, disengaged, or eager to end the conversation. What might have been a productive, collaborative dialog turns into a conflict, a shutdown, or a box-checking exchange.

How do we prepare to listen fully?

So how do we do better?

One key is preparation. Before a difficult or important conversation, I recommend adopting a simple mantra:

“My only goal for the next 10 minutes is to understand.”

I also add two commitments:

1. I will acknowledge what the other person says.
2. I will find something I can genuinely agree with each time they speak.

This shifts our focus from fixing, judging, or impressing to connecting first, and problem-solving only after that connection is established.

The second key is self-awareness in the moment. When you feel the urge to correct, argue, speed them up, or defend yourself, pause—literally. Give yourself a second or two to let your prefrontal cortex “come online.” In that pause, ask:

• If I were leading with empathy right now, what would I do?
• If my goal were exploration, what could I be curious about?
• If I aligned with my highest goals (like building trust or helping them grow), how would I respond?

What are some MindShifting techniques?

From there, several practical techniques help keep you out of agenda mode and in listening mode:

• Using a “yes, and” approach instead of “yes, but,” so you don’t negate what they’ve said.
• Commenting on a strength you see in their perspective to keep them open and engaged.
• Summarizing what you heard and asking if you got it right, which both clarifies and signals real listening.

I closed the session with a simple challenge: over the next day, catch yourself when you’re waiting instead of listening. Don’t judge yourself—just label it (“I have an agenda”), take a breath, and invite your wiser, “Sage” mind back into the conversation. Over time, this small discipline leads to deeper relationships, better joint problem-solving, and more satisfying conversations for everyone involved.

MindShifting Monday with Mitch is live every Monday at 4:00 PM Eastern on LinkedIn, Substack, and YouTube, and you can always catch the replay on the MindShifting with Mitch YouTube channel.

Join us next week for a special Q&A session, where we’ll not only take your questions but also connect current events and news to MindShifting principles and how we show up in our everyday lives.

Here it the entire session: