With Shervon Laurice of The Expansion Room

Do you want to see a masterful example of conflict and collaboration?

I was on Shervon Laurice’s The Expansion Room podcast. I’d just articulated my vision, that if enough people learned the skills to be resourceful, resilient, and collaborative despite setbacks or provocations, the whole world would change.

Here is the short, where that happened: https://youtube.com/shorts/IRBhUuyUKCE?si=eqe4AhmeNaH0t6Tu

How I was obnoxious

She said that if I taught thousands, then those thousands taught others, the effects would scale. She said it was just like the concept of compound interest.

I immediately knew, compound interest was exactly the right term.

I responded, “Would you like me to mansplain the concept of compound interest to you?”

The act of expropriating another person’s idea and then explaining it back to them is a provocation. It’s what men often do to women. It’s what white people often do to people of color. What people of privilege or power do to people with less privilege and power, and what narcissists do to their targets.

In my defense, when I said it, I had a smile in my eyes and also used the word “mansplaining”, but our survival reactions are not capable of picking up subtleties, our limbic brain sees something as a threat or that it’s not a threat.

The survival brain or limbic system reacts faster than we can consciously think. Those parts of the brain react, and then later our critical thinking resourceful brains devise a justification. Someone appropriating your idea while showing superiority is something any person’s survival brain finds threatening.

Typical survival brain reactions might be:

• Avoid, don’t say anything. And we might justify that reaction by thinking, “Anything I say is just going to make the situation worse.”
• Accommodate, go along with whatever they want to do. We might justify this by, “What harm can it do, I’ll do what they want and then they will like me more.”
• Fight, attack what they said and defend ourselves or ideas while pointing out how their actions or statements are disrespectful or wrong. We could defend that by saying we need to stick up for ourselves

The decisions and actions happen before we are aware of them, and we convince ourselves that it was right through the stories we tell ourselves. That becomes our truth.

That’s not at all what Shervon did.

How Shervon Laurice Responded from Sage brain

Even though any human’s immediate survival reaction would be fight, flight, or freeze, Shervon had the presence to pause, to be aware of the limbic or survival reaction and rise above it. She recognized the statement for what it was, and her self-awareness or metacognition understood that a limbic reaction would not lead to a constructive conversation.

Shervon laughed. She lightly let me know that no one needed an explanation. She reinforced the worthiness of my MindShifting vision and goals.

Her response made it plain:

• I had no power over her
• She was in control over her own statements, feelings, and actions
• She respected who I am

That response set the stage for a conversation between two people who cared and admired each other and were sharing information and experiences with a common goal.

Shervon showed mastery of self and communication. That’s the basis of her practice, what she coaches others to do.

That’s what MindShifting teaches as well.

What We All Need to Learn to Do

How could we respond with equanimity, empathy, and power to provocations?

1. Start with self-awareness, know when we are or are about to be triggered.
2. Acquire the skills to center or re-center ourselves; what do we really want to happen, what outcomes align with our values, what actions would bring us closer to our end goals.
3. Prepare to be assertive without being aggressive; learn the communications techniques and self-regulation techniques to stay centered despite triggers and communicate in ways that connect.

I wish everyone had those skills. Imagine if people could rise above their fight, flight, and freeze instincts to find ways to connect with respect. Imagine if you refined your own skills in those areas. That’s why both Shervon and I do what we do. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what we talked about.

Watch the conversation below, and find out more about building MindShifting Skills at MindShiftingWithMitch.com.

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