Last week I explained that, reflecting on a conversation I had with Marianne DeMello-Smith on her Message in the Middle Podcast (due to be posted in Mid-October), I would write a series of posts that dive into key areas of our discussion.

This is my second on what appears to be a series of 5 such posts…

One of the most powerful parts of our conversation centered around resilience. 

Marianne asked me, “How do you define resilience in a way that’s practical for people facing real setbacks?” 

It’s a question I hear often, and I was glad to dig into it with her.

Resilience, as I see it, isn’t just about bouncing back from adversity. It’s about moving forward even when things don’t go as planned. 

Too often, we get stuck thinking there’s only one right answer or one perfect path. 

Marianne shared a story from her own leadership experience, where she’d ask her team to consider not the standard “What is the one right decision?’ but, instead, “What is the least bad decision?” 

She explained that in complex projects, the ideal solution is rarely achievable, so it’s about finding workable options and moving ahead, and that phrasing the self query this way builds into the process the construct that, we are operating in a world where there are many paths forward that will get us where we are headed.

I responded that this mindset is at the heart of resilience. Our primitive brains crave certainty and simplicity—they want one right answer, and anything else feels threatening. 

But real life is rarely that clear-cut. 

When we accept that most situations have multiple possible solutions, we free ourselves from the pressure to be perfect. We can focus on making progress, learning from what doesn’t work, and iterating as we go.

Marianne then asked, “How do you help people reframe setbacks so they don’t see them as failures?” 

My answer was that it starts with curiosity. Instead of judging an outcome as a failure, ask, “What did I learn? What new information did I gain?” This shift turns setbacks into feedback, not dead ends. It’s a subtle but powerful change in perspective.

Here are a few ways to cultivate resilience in your own life:

• Embrace Trade-Offs: Recognize that most decisions involve trade-offs. There’s rarely a perfect answer, and that’s okay.
• Stay Curious: When something doesn’t work, resist the urge to judge. Instead, ask what you can learn from the experience.
• Iterate and Adapt: Treat each attempt as an experiment. If it doesn’t go as planned, adjust and try again.
• Let Go of Perfection: Progress is more important than perfection. Celebrate small wins and keep moving forward.

Resilience is a skill you can build, no matter where you’re starting from. It’s about learning to see challenges as opportunities for growth, not as threats to your self-worth.

If you want to explore more practical tools for building resilience and other mindshifting skills, I invite you to read my book, MindShifting: Stop Your Brain from Sabotaging your Happiness and Success. 

Look out for the next article in this series, where I’ll share more insights from my conversation with Marianne on navigating complexity and embracing uncertainty.