A third grader is at their desk, fists clenched, refusing to work. The teacher steps in to redirect, and within seconds the student is shouting, a pencil is thrown, and learning stops for everyone. The teacher feels overwhelmed, the class is rattled, and the pattern repeats day after day.

For school, district, and state leaders, this isn’t an isolated incident—it’s a systems challenge. The question is: How do we equip teachers with practical, humane tools to de-escalate these moments and move both behavior and learning forward?

In a recent MindShifting Monday with Mitch session, I spoke with Heaven Torres, a special education teacher for third- and fourth-grade students in Poughkeepsie, NY. As a second-year teacher, she’s already navigating highly triggered students, complex learning needs, and stressed families. What’s different is the toolkit she’s using—one she attributes directly to the MindShifting course she completed.

When a student shuts down or explodes, Heaven’s first move is not to demand compliance. She deliberately pauses to identify the trigger. She knows that stepping in with correction while a child is in full fight-or-flight often leads to “get out of my face,” cursing, or even physical aggression. Instead, she uses strategies rooted in nonviolent communication and motivational interviewing to de-escalate.

Key practices she uses include:

• Co-regulation instead of control: She stays calm, explicitly models that calm, and invites the student to match her state rather than “obey.”
• Structured processing time: She asks, “How much time do you need—a minute, two minutes?” sets a timer, and later praises the student for appropriately asking for a break. This normalizes emotional regulation as a learnable skill.
• Agency-based language for academics: With a student who says, “I can’t do this,” she responds, “Tell me what your brain knows—I won’t know if it’s stuck in there. I need your help.” This reframes the student as a capable partner, not a problem to fix.

Importantly, she applies the same mindset with parents who arrive angry or overwhelmed—listening fully, reflecting their concerns, affirming their efforts as caregivers, and then moving to collaborative planning.

Heaven describes the MindShifting course as transformative: it turned her informal instincts into a clear, repeatable framework for handling behavioral and academic challenges. She valued not only the concrete techniques, but also the community of like-minded educators sharing real-world scenarios and solutions.

For administrators, her experience points to a critical conclusion: when teachers are trained in structured, relationship-centered approaches like MindShifting, they reduce repeated crises, protect instructional time, and strengthen trust with families. Investing in this kind of professional learning is not just about classroom management; it’s about building the conditions where meaningful learning—and healthier school cultures—can actually take root.

Watch the entire Monday MindShifting With Mitch, and be sure to check out our upcoming schedule and add the next episode to your calendar: